The above explanation was taken from a devotional lesson for teenagers about God’s unconditional love for us. This past week specifically, I have been dealing with the thought as to why God and others would love me like this. You see, first and foremost, God’s love for us in unconditional. We have done nothing, now will we do something, to ever deserve it. He loves us. PERIOD. END OF STORY. He sent His Son to die for us, that should explain it all right there.

I have a tendency to eel so unworthy of my friendships, so unworthy of the blessings I have in my life each and everyday. Look at how far He has brought me in my health battles. I often ask myself why would You even bother with someone like me? There are people, whom I love, who are going through such complicated things, yet He sees fit to spend time on me? Why? I just didn’t get it!

One of the ladies in my church, whom I view as a spiritual grandmother, said it quite simply to me. We may never understand why He loves us the way He does, or works in us to bless us. But this is true, when He sent His Son to die for us, He saw our faces. Wow! Can we honestly wrap our minds around that concept?

I have the best friends in the ENTIRE world. I mean that. I love each and everyone of them, and I would, without hesitation, stand in front of a bullet for them. I have prayed for them, laughed with them, cried with them (and they still are my friends…LOL). I yearn to follow after God in showing unconditional love to those around me. They don’t have to do anything for it…just be themselves…

Well today, I was able to witness an answer to prayer. One of my friends was able to start that climb out of a valley in his life. I was in tears when I heard that voice screaming, “It’s OVER!!!!!” As much as God blessed that friend today, as much as God wrapped him in His arms and gave him that supernatural hug, He was also hugging me at the same time.

His love for us is unconditional. Isn’t it time that we start showing that unconditional love to the ones we love as well? Isn’t it time to stop questioning why, and keep following His footsteps?

Such a good reminder for us this week…

Monday began my three-day process of testing and treatment for the cancer that was found during my thyroid removal surgery. Let me bring you through the events of the week.

Monday – the easy day – all I had to do was go in and take a pill. This pill was a small trace of radioactive iodine which would allow the camera to pick up any traces of cancer or leftover tissue that was left from the surgery. I went in, took the pill, and essentially went home.

Tuesday – Day One of the Total Body Scan. If you are unfamiliar with what a TBS (total body scan) is, they lay you on a table, raise it up, and lower a camera (a huge box measuring about 36″x36″) down over your head. There is about a 1/2″ to 1″ gap between you and the camera. For about 30 minutes it slowly moves from your head to your feet, while you lay perfectly still. Then, they did a 10 minute picture of just my neck to check for the residual tissue…all in all the scan took just about an hour from start to finish.

After the scan, I had to talk to a physicist/radiation safety officer to go over some precautions on how to manage life for the first few days after the treatment. I have to admit, some of the precautions are hilarious (most of which I will not share, unless you want to know). Basically, I had to stay a safe distance away from people for about 4-5 days, make sure I drank plenty of fluids, have a hard candy once every hour, wash my clothes separately (which I have done since I was 14), etc. They told me VERY little tissue was found and they were going to treat me with 75 mci’s of the iodine (it could have been up to 250 mci’s, so praise God for that news!). They also told me because of how little they did find, they only expected 10-15% of that 75 mci’s to be used to get rid of the tissue. This is VERY good news, and an answer to prayer.

Wednesday – I had to go in for another body scan, to make sure nothing was missed on the first scan. If they found anything additional, they would have to increase the amount of iodine. Well, praise God, nothing additional was found. I waited for a doctor, took my treatment pill, and went home.

Another prayer that I had was that there would be no adverse side effects experienced from the treatment. This is where I despise the internet. Sometimes, we read things to try to get ourselves prepared…and sometimes it can cause us unneccessary worry. The only things I had were a dry mouth, a little nausea, and I was really tired.

The doctor may not FULLY see the results of this treatment for 6 months to 1 year, and I will have to have this test again during that time frame at some point. But, I know I serve a God that is bigger than my circumstances, that in His name I am claiming my healing, and that this “speed bump” in my life will be used for His honor and His glory!

So, it is Thursday, the day after treatment, and I am in my house until Saturday, possibly Sunday. The outpouring of love, prayers, support, and encouragement have been overwhelming. I am so unbelievably blessed to be a part of the body of Christ. Coming home yesterday, the song “Our God” by Chris Tomlin was playing on the radio. “Our God is healer, awesome in power…” I almost started to cry…almost. To feel God’s presence, even on that exam table, as He held me in His arms, was amazing. THANK YOU does not seem adequate enough for your prayers, love, and encouragement. The best thing though is my relationship with dairy resumes tomorrow at 8am! HA!

Please know I love you all and am praying for each and every one of you as well…2011 will be an amazing year in Him!

As I mentioned in my last post, I have a diagnosis of Stage 1 Thyroid Cancer. This is the most common type of thyroid cancer, with patients living long, normal, healthy lives. In fact, it is hard to pinpoint how many people in America, if not the world, have it because of the long life they live.

Two weeks ago, my doctor put me on a restricted, low-iodine diet. Basically, I could not have dairy, soy, fish, table salt, sea salt, red dye #3, really any processed foods, most any type of commercial baked product, etc. I could have a little amount of fresh meat a day, egg whites, fresh fruits, fresh vegetables, kosher salt, oils, etc. This diet was going to be difficult because I LOVE pasta and I LOVE dairy. But, I knew I had to do it.

I also had to be off my thyroid medication during these two weeks. The major problem here would be this would make me tired, even to the point of exhaustion. The idea was my body needed to deplete itself of it’s iodine level, so the iodine I needed for a PET Scan would be accurate and subsequently any radioactive iodine for treatment would be able to do it’s job in my system. What is that job? It will basically kill off any remaining thyroid cells (normal or cancerous) in my system. Unfortunately, they may not see the full effects of the treatment in my body for 6 months to 1 year.

The first week was tough. I was completely changing a routine in my life (food and no medication), beginning to feel worn down and exhausted, my friends had just left for a new semester at college…it seemed all too much at once. The Wednesday of the first week I was borderline depressed, not wanting to eat anything, talk to anyone, or even get out of bed. It scared me how I felt.

I got up on Thursday (because I had to…I had to work). It just so happened the sun rise that day was STUNNING, which began a two or so hour long conversation with God. We talked about everything. Fears, desires, plans, health, friends, relationships, etc. It was great! My Father was totally meeting me at the Return desk at Lowe’s, gently hugging me in His arms, reminding me that everything was going to be OK.

Since that time, God has really been molding our relationship and revealing/reminding me of things that I have so desperately needed. My health is in His hands. If you have read this blog before, you know bits and pieces of where God has brought me from. There was no reason for me to start doubting Him now…NONE!

This test is slowly upon me. On Monday, I begin a 2 and a half day process (esentially) which will take pictures of my body to make sure these cells (cancerous) have not spread anywhere in my body. My doctor is confident that they have not, and he does not feel they have spread to my lymph nodes. Another great thing is being off my thyroid medication, I used to have tremors (shakes) in my hands uncontrollably. They have not returned, and even my heart has not been racing like I would think it could be. PRAISE GOD! I am even believing that after this test, the doctor’s may even tell me they couldn’t find ANY cancerous cells. If they do, then I am believing for a small dose of treatment to follow.

The treatment is called radioactive iodine (RAI) therapy. It is a concentrated iodine pill which will kill the cells over a period of time. For 3-5 days after the treatment, I would be considered “radioactive” and would have to limit my interaction with the outside world. I would have to make sure I shower at least 3 times a day, wash my hands CONSTANTLY, use separate dishes/silverware, make my own food, etc. Basically, as the radioactivity leaves my body, it could have the potential to harm others around me (of which there is no one who would be high risk).

I will be posting updates on how I am doing right here over the next few days.

Also, today, my mother is having surgery due to a broken right femur bone and broken left ankle. She went to get up to go to the restroom at the nursing home, and her knees buckled, and she fell. She was in quite a lot of pain, and has a long rehab road ahead of her, but she will get through it…

I look forward to this week being over. The preparation for this test started off HORRIBLY, but has ended up so amazing! The first thing I am going to do once I am allowed to go back to a normal diet is to have a bowl of cereal (I have a pretty cool cereal bowl I have been yearning to use…LOL). It’s amazing the things you miss when you are limited in your diet!

I am also ACTIVELY pursuing college searches for a potential Fall 2011 enrollment to obtain my Masters in Pastoral Counseling. I will update you on the search as well as it has been awhile since I have been through this process.

A friend of mine recently reminded me of a verse in Scripture…Joshua 1:9 – “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” So true, and I cannot wait to see where He brings me next, even over these next few days…

Thanks for all the prayers, support, and encouragement. They have helped and been evident! Check back soon for an update on the test and the results!

Finally the day came. I was going to see my thyroid doctor for a follow up visit. I asked him a question I never thought I would ask ANYONE ever again. I asked him to start the process for me to have surgery. I wanted this done. I wanted the unhealthy part of me removed from my body. No more would this gland effect the way I was feeling. No more would I let it dictate my life.

The process of preparing for surgery happened so quick. I saw the surgeon and within twenty minutes I had a surgery date. After all…my neck look i had a swallowed a golf ball. Not good.

At the beach...

Over the next couple weeks, it was more doctor appointments and testings to make sure my heart would be able to handle the surgery. Then, the day finally came. I went to the hospital for the surgery at the end of September. I know I had the prayers of many surrounding me that day, and I had such a peace in my spirit that I was not nervous at all. In fact, I laughed at the fact that a doctor who I saw all of 20 minutes was about to slice open my neck.

The procedure was to take about 2 hours, but wound up taking close to 5! When the doctor opened me up…he noticed that my gland was quite large, and a piece of it was attached to my wind pipe. He had to carefully shave the piece off of my windpipe, in order that there was no damage. Anyway, there were no complications and I stayed overnight in the hospital for observation.

I woke up from the anesthesia at about 1:30am to a text message from my best friend. He was away at college, and was up due to some visitor’s in his room. His text of encouragement and prayer began a 2-hour text barrage back and forth. I had told him that I was going to the restroom real quick, and when I looked into the mirror, I began to cry, because I had a normal sized neck! God is good!

The funny part here is that my neck looked like I had just survived a knife fight (in a way I kind of did). The doctor stitched me up using dissolvable stitches and skin glue. It was quite a sight.

For my follow up visit, the doctor would tell me that the piece of thyroid he found on my windpipe had some unusual cells, and he sent out his findings for a 2nd opinion. They came back, and I had a diagnosis of Stage 1 Thyroid Cancer. But, the good news is that the amount of cancerous cells in my system were almost zero, which led the doctor to believe that it was localized to my thyroid. With having the gland out of my neck, the majority of the battle was over.

I am currently preparing to have a PET Scan done in about a week and a half, which will be followed by a radioactive iodine pill. This pill will kill off any remaining thyroid cells/cancerous cells that are in my system. The only downfall is I can’t be around people for too long for 3-5 days after this pill, and that they may not see the full effects of this treatment for 6 months to a year after I take the pill.

I serve a God who is bigger than my sickness, and He has already healed me! I do not claim this diagnosis (although I know I have it). I cannot wait for the day I can say I am cancer free and give HIM all the glory, honor, and praise that He is due!

–I just wanted to take a quick second and thank those who took the time to pray for me, encourage me, cry with me, visit me, etc. Thank you does not seem adequate enough, but for now that is all I can do. You may NEVER know the eternal impact you had on my life during this trying year. I love you more than you know, and I hope one day to be able to return the favor!–

That was a quick 2-part update on my life health wise. I have had many more revelations this past year, which I will share in my next post, and I hope you come back and check it out!

Wow! I totally forgot I even had this blog. My friends have blogs and I have been reading their’s over the last few days…and I thought about how much I miss this. How much I yearned for communication and interaction. How I desired to let you, the faithful (one) reader, be encouraged by something you found here…

So, I am back. My friends are challenging themselves to blog once a day during the month of January. I am going to try to blog once a week this year. For me, I believe that is more of an attainable goal.

2010 was a roller coaster of a year. I began the year spending the month of January in the hospital. I had noticed my feet and stomach had begun to swell. Never a good sign. I got home from work, wanted to take a nap, and I was going to make an appointment to see my doctor. Well, after the 5 hour nap, I woke up and my feet not only were bigger, they hurt. I decided to go to the Emergency Room and get checked out.

When I got there, I was immediately taken to a bed and a team of nurses began to work around me. One was setting up the IV, while the other was taking my vital signs, and yet another was hooking me up to a heart monitor. I felt like I was in a unbelieveable dream. It turned out my heart was beating at around 190 beats per minute. The normal resting heart is 60-80 beats per minute. I was told I was going into congestive heart failure.

Over the next several days, I would be closely monitored as doctors and nurses ordered tests and medications to get my heart rate down. Finally, after 14 days, my heart was staying at a rate of 94 beats per minute. That was quite a change! While treating my heart, they also had to treat my thyroid gland, which was over-producing and causing my heart to beat rapidly.

I was told they were transferring me to a heart hospital to get a test done to examine the effects of this rapid heart beat on the strength of my heart. When I got to the new hospital, I was met by two great men there to encourage me and see if I needed anything (this was at 11pm at night). One of these guys was my life mentor, and the other my best friend. It was calming and reassuring to see them there, and I was surprised they made the 30 minute drive to meet me…

I was told they couldn’t do the exam because of my thyroid gland. So, the doctors decided to keep me to continue to treat the over-producing gland and my heart rate (which had now increased again). A few days into the medical treatment, the doctor decided to increase one medication by one dosage. By doing this, my blood pressure dropped drastically as did my heart rate (into the 40′s). I was immediately rushed to their ICU unit. There they had to give me 4 different IV medications to reverse the effects of the medication in my system. Why was my heart doing this?

I would stay at this hospital for a few more days before the doctor was comfortable enough to send me home. January was already over. I was told I could not go back to work until 3 doctors cleared me. This was also the time that we in NJ received some MAJOR snow! So here I was, waiting to see doctors, out of work, snowed in at my house, unable to do anything like shoveling or that required too much exertion, for a month! These past two months were some of the scariest months in my life. But, my best friend sent me a text during the hospital stay that I still have saved in my phone. It read, “Yeah we’re all missing you dude. But I was blessed to see you last night. You have an entire army praying for you here.”

This is the only text message that I have ever kept in my cell phone. I remember saying – WHAT? Why am I so important that people would be praying for me? I am usually the one to say a prayer for someone. I am usually the one to be there. But through this text, and the words of a friend, I remembered that “IF WE ARE THE BODY,” then this is what we do. We are there for each other. If one of us hurts, we all hurts. I never thought such a VALUABLE lesson was needing to be learned. I am so grateful for those words, those prayers, and that encouragement.

Finally, the end of February came and I was cleared to return to work. I currently work in retail, but after a two-month forced vacation, I was ready to get back into a normal routine. My job was more than accommodating in welcoming me back.

These two months were the scariest months that I can recollect. It took a text message from my best friend to remind me that I needed to be strong in my faith. Through that faith, through prayer, through my best friend, my church family, my mentor, the MANY texts/calls/visits from 3 specific people, and the AMAZING friends and family in my life, I was able to remain strong in knowing that I was being taken care of. I was going to be OK.

This is turning out to be a longer post than expected…and there is more to tell. So check back for Part 2 over the next few days.

Basically it has been crazy because I started working again. I work for Lowe’s in Brick as a cashier. I have been there for almost a month, and I have been working about 39 hours per week. I am a cashier and you can find me either at the main exit, in lumber, or in the garden center. I am considered a seasonal employee, which means I am guaranteed to work until the end of July. But, my manager basically told me she likes me and wants to keep me. YES!

I have also been reading a lot once again…

I have recently finished to books by Mitch Albom, Tuesdays ith Morrie and Five People You Meet in Heaven.  Both were great books and really challenged different areas in my life. I am currently reading two books…Searching for God Know What by Donald Miller, and UnChristian (I forgot the author). They are sure to be great reads!

That’s it for now. Hope to be back soon!

I wanted to start this post talking about something from my past. My parents divorced when I was two months old and I was raised by my mother. Throughout the years, she has had few “boyfriends” but her values and such were what has been instilled in me since a young age.

My mother is my hero. Simply put. The trials and tribulations she has faced in her life would baffle the toughest critic. She could have easily given up. Yet, no matter how much pain she may be in, she does not let that deter her from the love she has for her Heavenly Father, the Lord Jesus Christ.

How awesome is that example?

Since my mother raised me, I never had that positive male influence in my life. Many have tried, and almost none of them succeeded. A few years ago, I was given two books for my birthday. They were entitled Wild at Heart  and The Way to a Wild Heart  both by John Eldridge. Basically, these books talk about young boys who do not have that male influence in their lives. It reminds us that we are worth being called MEN, because of our Heavenly Father. This is a needed reminder not just for young men.

I never had someone in my life to teach me about football, or how to shave properly. I know nothing of tools and no one would want to see me with a power tool of any type. But, thats OK. I have learned my values and a base line of ethical standards from two things.. the Lord and my mother. I know I am important because as my mom would always tell me…”You were created by God and God don’t make no junk…” I hope to one day make sure that the next generation of young men realize their importance. Even though it was a lesson learned at a later time in my life, it was still an important one for me to understand!

I had a conversation with a few friends recently about being single. In the Bible, Paul leads a single life. I truly believe that God does call some people to be single. And if that is His plan for me, then I will live it to the best of my ability. Right now, I am happy I am single. I am not in a great place in my life to really “lend” my heart to another. Plus, part of me likes to believe that God does have someone for me. But, I need to know and understand that His plans for me are perfect and in His timing!

Sorry, I hope this post made some type of sense. This has been something I have debated on writing for awhile. What are your thoughts? Leave them here!

Song of the Day is My Reward  by Paul Baloche….

2. I love the smell of any baked good that is baking in my house. My two ultimate loves woould be homeade chocolate chip cookies and brownies.

3. I love to look at the stars at night. Have you ever done that? Beautiful.

4. I love chicken parmesan. Ultimate favorite. Well, I love any dish you can combine pasta and chicken (smile).

5. I love my friends. They have become my family.

6. I love my family, they are my friends.

7. I love the fact that I work once a week as a cleaning supervisor assistant. It’s something for now,and plus no one can bother you.

8. I love education. I love to learn and help others to learn. I will one day return to the classroom both as a teacher and a student.

9. I love to laugh. The funnier, the better.

10. I love my mom, she has become my hero (for reasons you may know).

11. I love sign language. Being able to communicate with your hands is an amazing gift!

12. I love SOME reality TV. I admit I am a reality TV junkie, like Top Chef or even Survivor (I’m so weird)

13. I love going to see Christian bands live. Things like Revelation Generation and Creation are amazing experiences!

14. I love working with teenagers. They are so inspiring and I am honored to be a part of their lives.

15. I love you, my reader….

Well, that’s the basic list and I will probably add more. But you get the jist, don’t you?

I know its been awhile since I last posted and I apologize for that. It’s just that not a lot different has been going on lately. I feel I have reached a plateau in my interesting life.

But, I have not stopped thinking and pondering about certain topics. I just got out of the car with a very interexsting couple. Do not get me wrong, they are awesome people. But, they way they interact sometimes just makes me laugh hysterically. I promise you, I could write a bestseller on their lives. You two know who you are, and I love you to death. This relationship is truly unique.

I am a Christian. I live a life of faith. No full time job. No insurance. Not able to pay bills. But I live a life of faith. I am a little concerned over the recent speeches Obama has given. It brings concern not for me alone, but for family members, specifically my mother. I AM NOT A POLITICAL SAVY-IST (if thats a word) AT ALL. And frankly, I do not like getting into debated about something I am not schooled in enough. But, I have faith that President Obama’s decisions, whatever they are, be for the benefit of the country at whole.

If you know me at all, I love sign language. I fell in love with it in high school, took some college courses, and have been trying to figure it out ever since. I recently was asked to sign twice on Easter Sunday (OI VAY!). But, it’s what I love. I love to sign with others (YEAH HOPE) and I will continue to look for opportunities to use a passion of mine.

This job market stinks! I am at the point where I will take anything. PLEASE, if you know of an opportunity, forward it my way!

Sean Mogee = Jesus Freak. Plain and simple.

So, today was the day. I arrived promptly at 10am for the interview. I was going to interview for a part time/per diem position as a service coach. Basically, I would assist residents with food shopping, activities, doctor appointments, etc.

When I arrived, I was interviewed not only for the position mentioned above, but also a full time assistant to the house director. I would be so good for that position. Basically, I would help her in the day to day running of the house and help out the clients. Full benefits (which I have needed forever) come after ninety days. I should be receiving a call early next week for a second interview. ONE STEP CLOSER. PLEASE pray that God will continue to open doors for me to be apart of ESNJ!

I came so close to going to the emergency room. All week, I have had a pain in my neck that I could not explain. I was going to call out from my interview, but thank the Lord the pain left last night, and I feel great!

In sad news, it seems that my close friends blog site, www.splendarenda.com, will be shutting down in about a week. Please visit and read some of the great things he has written on there. I am hoping that it will not have to shut down. If so, Splenda Renda, you will be missed!

Song of the Day is This Is It by Kirk Franklin. Hopefully,this is it for my job search!